I haven’t written anything academic since university, and even then that was only Literature and Creative Writing essays, so this will be my first hand at anything psychological, though I have a great interest in it. In my reading, I have never come across anything quite like this, though I’m there are similar ideas out there, so if anything exists out there, I’d love to hear about it. This is ultimately only an idea to explain an awareness I’ve had on multiple occasions, regarding people’s attention levels towards one another. It’s a pretty simple idea, but the more I think about it, the more complex it grows in conjunction with other factors, so interpret it as you will.
Without further ado, the idea is this: everyone has two desired attention levels. One is the attention that they want to receive from others, and the second is the attention they want to pay others. There seems to be a general balance in these two levels, for instance someone might desire a high level of attention from those around them, but not care too much for paying attention to them. This would be a very extroverted person. Conversely, someone might require little attention from others, yet be happy to watch and listen to them. Some people also might be a more-or-less even split down the middle; they might desire a certain amount of attention from people, yet also give them a decent amount of their attention. It seems people are generally inclined one way or another, though I imagine they can fall anywhere on the spectrum.
What do I mean by desiring and paying attention? Well, someone who desires a large amount of attention might take precedence in conversations, filling silences and talking louder than others; they might make a lot of jokes; their body language will generally be very open to everyone; they will make a lot of eye contact with everyone around them; these people are the first to volunteer to be in the public eye, raising their hand in class, or being volunteers at comedy shows or pantomimes. They want to be at the forefront of people’s perception and thus thoughts, although, as I’ve explained, there’s a scale to this.
People who desire little attention will generally seat themselves in the corner or at the back in dinner halls, theatres, or classrooms; be quieter; and do little activity that would draw attention to them.
As for paying attention, everyone has a degree of attention they want to give others. This might characterise itself by looking at other people, and thinking about them; they will generally pay attention to those seeking attention (for instance if in a nightclub, the attention-desiring person might be dancing confidently in clear view of everyone, and the attention-giving person will be watching them); they will generally speak less, and listen intently to those around them.
Those that want to pay little attention to those around them will generally make less eye contact, position their bodies away from people when possible (all subconsciously, of course), and might well grow irritated with overly-confident people. These people are generally introverts.
But the theory is more complex than this, because a person’s desired attention levels don’t seem to be fixed, rather a fluid amalgamation of individual attention levels. So everyone will have different desired attention levels for every other person. For instance, the better someone knows others, generally the higher their desire to give and receive attention from them will be. There seems a general trend to this, though some people will be more content with attention from strangers, whereas others will desire it far less. A husband dragged along to his wife’s work-do, you would hope, would seek and want to give a large degree of attention to his wife, yet would care very little for the attention of relative strangers. Similarly, the higher the ratio of close friends to strangers, the higher the level of attention one might give and desire. This is only a theory of course, but I imagine the balance between these two levels might vary depending on this.
So, ultimately, a person’s general levels are made up of many individual levels: i.e. the giving and receiving of attention from every person in a room. And not only people in a room; now in an age of social media, if a man is in a room of strangers, he might seek and desire to give attention to his closer friends, and might take out his phone and open the Facebook or Snapchat app. (I’ll not get into social media too much, because that could be a whole other can of worms.) But others might be more content with attention from strangers, and want to pay them attention.
Furthermore, I think relationships blossom, initially at least, where an individual’s desired giving and receiving attention levels match another’s very closely. I imagine this is what a lot of people mean when they talk of ‘chemistry’. If someone desires the attention of someone they are attracted to, but that person either doesn’t want or want to give as much attention, then there is little chemistry, and that person is most likely ‘friend-zoned’.
So I’ve explained how everyone might have general levels, and that these shift depending on their company and the individual’s relationships with them, but there are others factors that I imagine affect their levels, such as: attraction, survival, drugs and alcohol, and mental illness, although I’m sure there are myriad contributing factors. Let me explain these. A person might be in a room with two complete strangers, one of which they are rather attracted to. Of course, they are going to pay this person more attention, and most-likely desire their attention more, also. This might manifest itself in more open body language, more frequent hand movements, such as playing with hair, etc: all the factors people look for when they are trying to judge if you’re attracted to them. Although conversely, some people might make a conscious effort to override these instincts and close their body language right off. Carnal desires affect these levels to varying degrees; even if a person has no conscious desire to do anything with someone they’re attracted to, or to even talk to them, you would find that attention levels would shift, and their body language and perhaps speech to reflect it.
Another carnal desire is survival: self-defence. For instance, if someone is speaking aggressively, giving indications of potential violence, we would naturally pay them more attention, to watch them closely in case we might need to protect ourselves in the near future. Conversely, we would probably desire very little attention from them back, although, and I’m going out on a limb here, I would pose the idea that some might have an abnormally high level of desired attention from people who, to all available information, seem potentially dangerous. You might find this in relationships with perpetual domestic abuse. And of course these levels increase and change overtime, making this abnormal desired attention all the more insidious. People might experience defensive levels of attention to threats that are more imagined than biological, too. Of course if we were in a room with a tiger, we wouldn’t take our eyes off the thing, because our instincts tell us that a tiger is a dangerous predator. But what about a black guy in a hoody? Even the most liberal of us, I think, still feel some subconscious caution of black people, or foreigners, or poor-looking people, because although our intellect can mostly override the agendas pushed by the media and society in general, they still seep into our instinctive behaviours, and many of us might linger our gaze on someone who society generally deems to be potentially more dangerous than others. It’s interesting that even irrational or imagined fears still affect our attention levels without us even realising.
Drugs and alcohol, as you’d expect, fundamentally shift our attention levels. People who are generally introverts and seek little attention from others, under the influence of the stimulant effects of alcohol, might be standing on a table, dancing, and making eye contact with strangers and friends alike. The attention they want to give might increase dramatically, too. Conversely, depressant drugs such as cannabis might turn one’s attention more inwardly, and as a consequence their desired attention levels would decrease significantly.
And lastly mental illness will affect these levels, too. People who suffer from depression and anxiety, for instance, might find radically low levels of desired attention when their condition is at its worst, and conditions like Bipolar might see this fluctuate within days or even hours; in the morning they might seek a lot of attention from those around them, talking loudly and animatedly, making big hand gestures, and making lots of eye contact, yet in the afternoon, they might be reserved, making little eye contact, and speaking in a low voice when they have to, with little inflection. They might pay those around them more attention, fuelled by thoughts of mild paranoia and insecurity, and ultimately to protect themselves, though this level might be significantly lower than it was in the morning.
I’m sure there are countless other factors I haven’t even considered, and I may revisit the theory if I have much more insight in the future. As I said, I have no idea if anyone has written about this phenomenon before, but I would love to hear if they have, because I find it quite fascinating. I’m not a scholar, so hopefully my ramblings made some kind of sense, and I hope people find this as interesting as I do.
Without further ado, the idea is this: everyone has two desired attention levels. One is the attention that they want to receive from others, and the second is the attention they want to pay others. There seems to be a general balance in these two levels, for instance someone might desire a high level of attention from those around them, but not care too much for paying attention to them. This would be a very extroverted person. Conversely, someone might require little attention from others, yet be happy to watch and listen to them. Some people also might be a more-or-less even split down the middle; they might desire a certain amount of attention from people, yet also give them a decent amount of their attention. It seems people are generally inclined one way or another, though I imagine they can fall anywhere on the spectrum.
What do I mean by desiring and paying attention? Well, someone who desires a large amount of attention might take precedence in conversations, filling silences and talking louder than others; they might make a lot of jokes; their body language will generally be very open to everyone; they will make a lot of eye contact with everyone around them; these people are the first to volunteer to be in the public eye, raising their hand in class, or being volunteers at comedy shows or pantomimes. They want to be at the forefront of people’s perception and thus thoughts, although, as I’ve explained, there’s a scale to this.
People who desire little attention will generally seat themselves in the corner or at the back in dinner halls, theatres, or classrooms; be quieter; and do little activity that would draw attention to them.
As for paying attention, everyone has a degree of attention they want to give others. This might characterise itself by looking at other people, and thinking about them; they will generally pay attention to those seeking attention (for instance if in a nightclub, the attention-desiring person might be dancing confidently in clear view of everyone, and the attention-giving person will be watching them); they will generally speak less, and listen intently to those around them.
Those that want to pay little attention to those around them will generally make less eye contact, position their bodies away from people when possible (all subconsciously, of course), and might well grow irritated with overly-confident people. These people are generally introverts.
But the theory is more complex than this, because a person’s desired attention levels don’t seem to be fixed, rather a fluid amalgamation of individual attention levels. So everyone will have different desired attention levels for every other person. For instance, the better someone knows others, generally the higher their desire to give and receive attention from them will be. There seems a general trend to this, though some people will be more content with attention from strangers, whereas others will desire it far less. A husband dragged along to his wife’s work-do, you would hope, would seek and want to give a large degree of attention to his wife, yet would care very little for the attention of relative strangers. Similarly, the higher the ratio of close friends to strangers, the higher the level of attention one might give and desire. This is only a theory of course, but I imagine the balance between these two levels might vary depending on this.
So, ultimately, a person’s general levels are made up of many individual levels: i.e. the giving and receiving of attention from every person in a room. And not only people in a room; now in an age of social media, if a man is in a room of strangers, he might seek and desire to give attention to his closer friends, and might take out his phone and open the Facebook or Snapchat app. (I’ll not get into social media too much, because that could be a whole other can of worms.) But others might be more content with attention from strangers, and want to pay them attention.
Furthermore, I think relationships blossom, initially at least, where an individual’s desired giving and receiving attention levels match another’s very closely. I imagine this is what a lot of people mean when they talk of ‘chemistry’. If someone desires the attention of someone they are attracted to, but that person either doesn’t want or want to give as much attention, then there is little chemistry, and that person is most likely ‘friend-zoned’.
So I’ve explained how everyone might have general levels, and that these shift depending on their company and the individual’s relationships with them, but there are others factors that I imagine affect their levels, such as: attraction, survival, drugs and alcohol, and mental illness, although I’m sure there are myriad contributing factors. Let me explain these. A person might be in a room with two complete strangers, one of which they are rather attracted to. Of course, they are going to pay this person more attention, and most-likely desire their attention more, also. This might manifest itself in more open body language, more frequent hand movements, such as playing with hair, etc: all the factors people look for when they are trying to judge if you’re attracted to them. Although conversely, some people might make a conscious effort to override these instincts and close their body language right off. Carnal desires affect these levels to varying degrees; even if a person has no conscious desire to do anything with someone they’re attracted to, or to even talk to them, you would find that attention levels would shift, and their body language and perhaps speech to reflect it.
Another carnal desire is survival: self-defence. For instance, if someone is speaking aggressively, giving indications of potential violence, we would naturally pay them more attention, to watch them closely in case we might need to protect ourselves in the near future. Conversely, we would probably desire very little attention from them back, although, and I’m going out on a limb here, I would pose the idea that some might have an abnormally high level of desired attention from people who, to all available information, seem potentially dangerous. You might find this in relationships with perpetual domestic abuse. And of course these levels increase and change overtime, making this abnormal desired attention all the more insidious. People might experience defensive levels of attention to threats that are more imagined than biological, too. Of course if we were in a room with a tiger, we wouldn’t take our eyes off the thing, because our instincts tell us that a tiger is a dangerous predator. But what about a black guy in a hoody? Even the most liberal of us, I think, still feel some subconscious caution of black people, or foreigners, or poor-looking people, because although our intellect can mostly override the agendas pushed by the media and society in general, they still seep into our instinctive behaviours, and many of us might linger our gaze on someone who society generally deems to be potentially more dangerous than others. It’s interesting that even irrational or imagined fears still affect our attention levels without us even realising.
Drugs and alcohol, as you’d expect, fundamentally shift our attention levels. People who are generally introverts and seek little attention from others, under the influence of the stimulant effects of alcohol, might be standing on a table, dancing, and making eye contact with strangers and friends alike. The attention they want to give might increase dramatically, too. Conversely, depressant drugs such as cannabis might turn one’s attention more inwardly, and as a consequence their desired attention levels would decrease significantly.
And lastly mental illness will affect these levels, too. People who suffer from depression and anxiety, for instance, might find radically low levels of desired attention when their condition is at its worst, and conditions like Bipolar might see this fluctuate within days or even hours; in the morning they might seek a lot of attention from those around them, talking loudly and animatedly, making big hand gestures, and making lots of eye contact, yet in the afternoon, they might be reserved, making little eye contact, and speaking in a low voice when they have to, with little inflection. They might pay those around them more attention, fuelled by thoughts of mild paranoia and insecurity, and ultimately to protect themselves, though this level might be significantly lower than it was in the morning.
I’m sure there are countless other factors I haven’t even considered, and I may revisit the theory if I have much more insight in the future. As I said, I have no idea if anyone has written about this phenomenon before, but I would love to hear if they have, because I find it quite fascinating. I’m not a scholar, so hopefully my ramblings made some kind of sense, and I hope people find this as interesting as I do.